Editor’s Note: Elizabeth shared her letters with our writing group, the M&Ms (Memoirs & More). What a treasure she is creating for her lucky children.
Dear Emma and Ian,
I have decided that I would love to write you each a letter for your birthday every year going forward. I want to reflect on the year gone by and highlight how you have grown, as well as the more challenging times so that we may both look back in awe someday at all your accomplishments, big and small. Mostly, I want to share my love for you and the memories I will always cherish.
Love always, Mom
Ian’s letter begins . . .
My darling Ian,
Today, you turned 3. This year has been a big one for you. You are an energetic, happy, affectionate toddler. You have grown so much that you now resemble a little boy more than a baby. You graduated from the NICU Follow-Up Clinic, showing that you are on track developmentally for your chronological age and even advanced in language and cognitive skills! We are so immensely proud of you.
You have conquered your separation anxiety. When we go to EFCE classes together now and separate for the parent’s discussion, you happily continue with your playtime, and you no longer cry for Mama so hard you throw up like you used to do. You are a social guy who charms his teachers and never steals toys from the other kids. However, you take no prisoners in the race to the elevator after class to ensure you are the first to push the button.
You have finally decided that sleeping at night is a good idea, and you sleep through the night more often than not now. When you do wake up, it’s usually to get us to adjust your blanket the way you like it. Sometimes, you need to snuggle for a few minutes, but that’s okay. You are still the best snuggler and still love to be held when you sleep sometimes.
Emotional intelligence is your superpower. You understand your feelings and express your needs and wants effectively. It’s truly impressive. You often and willingly tell the people you love that you love them. You are gentle with animals and smaller kids. You enjoy giving and receiving hugs to make others and yourself feel good. You still seek physical closeness and love being rocked before nap and bedtime. Whenever we watch TV together, you always move over to lay your head on me and snuggle. Your excitement is contagious, and you love to say, “It’s the best!” with an excited jump. Your laughter is infectious, and it’s impossible not to laugh along with you when you really get going.
You do have a mischievous side, though. You definitely love to explore and get into anything and everything, even if you know you are not supposed to. And boy, do you love to make messes. This sometimes puts you at odds with your favorite person, Emma. Yes, your sister is still by far your favorite person, even if you two do butt heads more often now. You love to play imagination games with her, and she loves to tell you how to do everything. When you two fight, you frequently say sorry first, even if you don’t have to. Even now, I think you realize that for peace to exist, you might have to continue to do that because your sister can be super stubborn and might not be capable of apologizing first. This doesn’t mean you don’t hold your ground when you want to. You argue like a pro with Emma, Mama, and Daddy, and when you can’t get a word in, you adamantly tell Emma to stop talking or Daddy to stop talking to Mama and vice versa.
You have your stubborn side, too, but it’s mostly related to not eating enough fruit and vegetables. I’ll keep trying, though. Your favorite foods are chocolate, peanut butter, sausage, eggs cooked any way, mac and cheese, and any snack food. Snacks are by far the majority of your food intake right now. Thankfully, I can get you to eat yogurt and cheese, and you haven’t yet noticed the veggies I sneak into your meals for more balance.
You will be starting preschool in a couple of months, and I am excited to experience this next year with you. There will be many new firsts and lots of skills and learning mastered. I love you so much, my sweet boy, and I hope you will go into this next year with the same fearless enthusiasm as you did this one.
Love always, Mom
And now for Emma . . .
My darling Emma,
In just 20 short days, you will be turning seven years old. Each year, as your birthday approaches, I am filled with the joy of recalling the moment you were born and letting out the most beautiful cry. It was a sound that filled my heart with indescribable happiness, but I’m sure you were cold and unhappy. The doctor who was performing the c-section was overjoyed that everything went smoothly, just as we had hoped. She even inquired about the source of the adorable dimple in your chin. As soon as you were swaddled and placed in my arms, you quieted down, happy to be warm and comfortable again. This makes me laugh a bit now because you still dislike being uncomfortable.
This year, you have done so much! You conquered your fear of waterslides! You have been tall enough to go down the water slide at the RAC for the last two years, but you were not quite ready until this year, and now you are a master. You have become an excellent swimmer, excelling to levels 6-7 in a short time. You told me that it was easy once you decided you wanted to learn to swim because you wanted to be able to swim like a mermaid. Most recently, you have worked entirely on your own to master a cartwheel and are working on a handstand. Seeing you work so hard and perfect something you are interested in doing is very impressive.
You love your brother so much and are such a great big sister. You enjoy teaching him and playing imaginative games together. He looks up to you so much, and I’m proud of the strong relationship you’re building together. You also take your role as a big sister seriously and are a huge help when you watch him for a few minutes when Mom and Dad really need you to.
This year has been a year of growth for you at school. You finished kindergarten and started first grade, making new friends and adjusting to a new teacher. You are an excellent reader and enjoy math; art is still your favorite. I am incredibly impressed by your reading abilities. As someone who struggled with learning to read, I am amazed by your proficiency. You read actual books to your brother. I could not have done that at six years old. You are so intelligent, and a lot of learning comes easy to you, but you struggle with being competitive and wanting to be the best. There is nothing wrong with that on the surface, but I worry that you get discouraged and can feel deflated if you are not the first and not the best at everything. I hope that this next year, we can work together on feeling proud about your work and not needing to compare yourself to your friends and peers.
I can’t help but feel partially responsible for this anxiety. You have two anxious parents, so while it is not surprising that you may also be, I vow to help you figure this out while you are young so we can nip this generational issue in the bud. I want your motivation for learning to come from a positive place, not a place of perfectionism and fear of failure like mine did for so long. We will get there, I am sure of it.
Your reading ability and understanding of the world around you are opening up your world so much. I am excited to experience this with you and watch you grow. I love you, baby girl. Yes, you will always be my baby. You love to argue with me about this, but one day, you will understand. Keep being fearlessly you.
Love always, Mom
Copyright © 2024 by Elizabeth Forwood
Your letters are beautiful, so heartfelt and discriptive. What a legacy for your children. They may not appreciate the emotions that you express until they are parents some day in the future. You have a gift! It is a great privilege to read your thoughts.
As often is the case when I read something inspirational like your letters, my first thought is, “I wish I had thought of that!” What a super idea, and what beautiful letters that your children will cherish.
Super cute children + great mom + great writing = very enjoyable reading!
Thank you, Linda, that is very sweet of you to say.
So sweet. Parenting is the most difficult and most important job we do IMHO. My heart swells when I witness such good parenting, like you model in this letter. Thank you.
It is! Thanks for your comments Addie!
What a wonderful idea and what a gift they will treasure their entire life. We think we’ll always remember all their achievements and little personality traits but we don’t. So your once a year letter collection is a gift of love. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Monica! I wish I had started earlier, but I am so glad I decided to do this to preserve the little moments too. They do get hard to remember over time.