Editor’s Note: This painting, which I interpret as us oldsters walking each other home, is by American artist Dorsey McHugh, and was introduced to me in a Zoom presentation by author Judith Valente.
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I am now beginning my 8th decade on the planet. Whether I like it or not, I am aging. Will I do it consciously or unconsciously? To me unconsciously means muddling along letting whatever happens happen. Consciously, on the other hand, means to try to have some choice in this matter of aging.
These days the groups I find myself in, the books I read, and the presentations in person or on Zoom that I attend, seem to be with and about old people.
Fortunately, help is available for us old people to consciously mull over issues such as having friends to be with on our final journey, death and dying, spirituality, and many other things that are on our minds as we age.
In the last year or so I found several mentors to help me. I’ll list them in case you’d like to see what they have to say:
*Recently I attended a 3-hour Zoom presentation by author Judith Valente. Judith formerly wrote for the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal, and was an on-air correspondent for PBS. Now Judith is deeply focused on her spiritual life. She is a Benedictine Oblate at Benedictine Mount St. Scholastica Monastery in Atchison, Kansas and has written several thoughtful books that are directly or indirectly about spirituality and aging: “Atchison Blue: A Search for Silence, A Spiritual Home, and a Living Faith”; “How to Be a Contemplative: Poems and Brief Reflections”; with Paul Quenon “How to Be: A Monk and a Journalist Reflect on Living & Dying, Purpose & Prayer, Forgiveness & Friendship”; “How to Live: What the Rule of St. Benedict Teaches Us About Happiness, Meaning, and Community”; and not to be overlooked — her delightful book about Italy, spirituality and more: “The Italian Soul: How to Savor the Full Joys of Life.”
On her Zoom presentation Judith talked about Ram Dass’s book “Walking Each Other Home: Conversations on Loving and Dying” and showed the above painting by Dorsey McHugh which captures so perfectly us oldsters walking each other home. All of us need friends to help us make our final journey.
*A wonderful book for plannng a home retreat is “Aging as a Spiritual Practice: A Contemplative Guide to Growing Older and Wiser” by Zen Buddhist Priest Lewis Richmond. I have created several home retreats using his suggestions to explore aging from a spiritual perspective.
*Last summer my husband and I attended a weekend retreat at the Siena Retreat Center, right on the shores of Lake Michigan in Racine, Wisconsin. The presenter was Mark Nepo who often speaks and writes about us oldsters: “You Don’t Have to Do It Alone: The Power of Friendship”; “The Fifth Season: Creativity in the Second Half of Life”; and his daily reader “The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.”
*For those who are philosophically inclined and enjoy a book with a good helping of humor, I recommend “Travels with Epicurus: A Journey to a Greek Island in Search of a Fulfilled Life” by Daniel Klein. The search is really about how to lead a happy and successful life as an old person. I have read it dozens of times. I have used one of his opening lines as a writing prompt in writing groups: “Tucked behind his right ear is a sprig of wild lavender that, with considerable effort, he stooped to pick on his way here.”
*The nitty-gritty of life: Diane Rehm, who hosted “The Diane Rehm” show on PBS for decades, became a compassionate end-of-life advocate when her husband of 54 years suffered mightily at the end of his life wishing he could die. She wrote about becoming a widow in “On My Own” and about the right to die in her book “When My Time Comes: Conversations about Whether Those Who Are Dying Should Have the Right to Determine When Life Should End”.
We know we don’t get out of here alive. One way or the other we all will arrive at the end of our lives. Why not do it consciously?
Thank you for opening a conversation about aging. Some of these books should be required reading for anyone over, say 70? It is difficult to comprehend our age when, as my 96 year old Mother said, “When I look in the mirror I see an old woman but when I close my eyes, I hear the young, 30 year old.” LOL!
I appreciate your analytical approach to aging. We each experience aging in our own way. My approach is a thankfulness for the abundant gifts in my life, including the Lord who is always with me. That doesn’t mean that I ignore the challenges of this part of life.
Greetings Jane,
I join you as a gal also graced with many decades. Your post offered lots of valuable resources, many of which were new to me. I extend positive energy to your writing, your outreach, and to your conscious journey…which as you illustrate, we may best do holding hands.
Hey Genie,
Good to hear from you. I know you are offering the world so much with your art and writing.
Blessing to you in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho.
Jane,
I marvel at the depth of your thoughts and personal search for the key(s) to conscious aging.
You pique my curiosity and leave me wondering if I should be organizing my life with similar focus.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom and resources. I cherish your insights and will look to you as a trusted friend with whom I can share conversations about this inevitable topic.
Ah yes, to make a “conscious choice” and to walk that path of aging in the company of friends! Thank you Jane, for inspiring us to take a conscious look at our lives and how we are going to each live out the days, weeks, months and hopefully even years that each of us still have ahead. All these mentors and references you mention, along with you personal comments added, are sincerely appreciated as well.
I especially liked your very last paragraph.