Editor’s Note: In days gone by — and in recent times — families have lived in multi-generation homes to farm the land or out of economic necessity. In this modern day story a family created a multi-generation home for a different reason.
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The idea of living in a three-generation home had been germinating in our minds for many years. Then, during Christmas of 2006, our daughter Kristin made the brave decision to ask us whether we should pool our resources and build a home together. They needed a place for her husband Michael’s home photography studio, and we needed a smaller home that was easier to leave in their care for the six months of the year while we were snowbirds in Arizona.
We discussed our dream with Michael and my husband Curt. Is this an idea that we could live with? Could we all live together in such a novel situation — the “we” being Kristin, her husband, and two young boys, “The Clearys”, and Curt and me, the grandparent “Mortensons”.
We knew this plan was an age-old idea that had been practiced in other cultures. Kristin had seen it in practice in her European travel in recent years. There was also the example of our Norwegian cousins in Oslo that we had witnessed firsthand and saw how workable a three-generation home can be. The bonding of grandparent, parent, and grandchildren was evident and we saw this as our primary reason to follow our dream.
If we sold both their home and ours, we hoped we would have enough money to buy a house that would accommodate all our needs. We plunged ahead and looked at real estate ads, finding very little that met our needs.
Sometime early in 2007 after Kristin and Michael had unsuccessfully searched possibilities among existing homes, we finally decided to draft a design and have our home built. Michael went to work with his creative, artistic mind and came up with the basic concept. The house would include a studio for his home photography business, a one-level senior apartment for Curt and me, and a two-story home for them with four bedrooms and a basement.
What resulted was a 3,550 square-foot house plan with a studio, a very large kitchen in the center of the home, a four-car garage, six bedrooms, six bathrooms, a full basement on the two-story Cleary side of the home, and a single-story senior apartment for the Mortensons.
Construction began in April of 2007. The summer was spent going on nightly visits to watch the progress of the home. We moved into the home in October of that year. Anne, our other daughter, affectionately dubbed it “The Ranch,” and we still refer to our former home in that way.
What adjustments did we have to make living in a three-generation setting? We learned early on that our amicable, respectful, and flexible decision-making style served us well in the planning, the living together, and ultimately the selling of our three-generation home.
The first issue was eating. We agreed from the beginning that the men would participate in the planning and cooking of meals. This would work because Curt was retired and Michael worked in the home. We decided that we would always eat our evening meal together, but prepare breakfasts and lunches independently. We each purchased our own groceries for our respective family meals and worked out a budget for the shared evening meals.
In the senior apartment where Curt and I lived, we had a microwave, a sink, and an under-the-counter refrigerator; a dining room table and chairs; a living room with a gas fireplace and surround built-ins; a primary and guest bedroom with walk-in closets; a spacious foyer and two bathrooms.
The kitchen in the center of the home featured a frig for each of us, a six-burner gas stove, two sinks, and two dishwashers. In the middle of the kitchen was a large island that opened to a dining area. It was here at our large Danish table that the family gathered for meals and conversation.
Kristin and I had no conflicts about the use of our spacious kitchen. As time went on, I spent more and more time there. During the school year, Kristin’s job was very demanding. I would sometimes take her turn at cooking. Curt had coronary bypass surgery in 2009. This changed our expectations of his meal preparation tasks. Michael’s schedule changed completely when he closed his home photography business and became a Mayo Clinic medical photographer in 2012.
Lifestyle changes necessitated changes in life on “The Ranch,” and adjustments had to be made. These adjustments were easily achieved because of Michael’s complete acceptance of living with his in-laws and our amicable, respectful, and flexible decision-making style. And, of course, Kristin was willing to “live with her parents” as an adult and mother. This arrangement may not work for others, but it worked for us.
Our snowbirding absence for six months of the year gave each family time to be apart and happy to be together again once we returned in the spring. During the summer months, Curt took on much of the flower gardens; he and Michael shared the lawn mowing until Curt’s coronary bypass surgery.
Our grandsons, ages 4 and 6 when we began living together, became a regular part of our daily lives. It was great to see them grow into their teen years and for us get to know each other well. We were never seen as babysitters nor were we imposed upon to care for them on a regular basis.
Kristin and Michael were very careful to protect our privacy as well as their own. When we shut the large door between the kitchen and our senior unit that divided our two housing areas, they always knocked to see if they could come in. Most of the time the door was open and we freely moved between the two areas.
The plan of eating our evening meal together worked well for building relationships. Michael often led us in the practice of asking us to tell about “the best part of the day.” That elicited family discussions. The boys learned how to participate in table conversation.
Our three-generation home worked very well for all of us. What caused us to sell this big home 11 years later?
Michael no longer needed his home photography studio; the housework and yardwork became daunting; the grandsons would soon be moving on with their lives; and Curt and I admitted that the retired life of having two homes and traveling back and forth between Minnesota and Arizona for 19 years was a plan that was becoming too complicated and demanding. The turning point came in early 2018 when our daughter Anne got divorced and decided to return to Rochester with her son. We wanted to be in Rochester to support her in this new life of single parenthood.
Thus, we decided that it was time to sell “The Ranch” and to move to more suitable housing at this stage of our lives. Kristin and Michael found a smaller house that suited their needs. Curt and I found a wonderful senior co-op in Rochester.
How do we feel about our three-generation house and living arrangement? Our goal was to build bonds among the grandparents, parents, and grandchildren. This was an unqualified success. Curt and I believe that living on “The Ranch” offered us experiences that we could never replicate in any other way. Those eleven years are some of the happiest years of our lives.
Copyright © 2025 by Jean Mortenson
Thanks for sharing your 3 generational house story. It definitely takes a big leap of faith, trust and respect to financially and emotionally pursue such an adventure but you proved it was not only workable but a very positive bonding experience. It was also great that all parties respected the choice when it was time to go separate ways with housing but still stayed bonded with parents, child and spouse and grandsons.
What an enormous gift of family togetherness! I imagine you all have many treasured memories. Lovely story.
Thank you, Jean, for giving us a glimpse into your life and living situation. My husband and I also live ”3-generationally” and appreciate your emphasis on being flexible and open-minded. It is beautiful to think of the gifts you have given to your grandchildren. I believe the experiences they had with you and Curt will last their whole lives. Also, congratulations on recognizing that it couldn’t last forever, and finding a great solution at a senior living coop!
Loved reading this as a way of sharing in your grand family adventure. I was impressed by the willingness of those concerned to enter into this arrangement with such flexible and cooperative mindsets. Congratulations on your 11 memorable years!
I remember well visiting all of you at “the ranch”, but enjoyed reading your history of it all here.
It was very nice and interesting for me to have this glimpse into your family’s adventure. Thanks.